‘It’s so curious: one can resist tears and ‘behave’ very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer… and everything collapses’ Colette
Carmo’s Boutique Hotel – Ponte de Lima, 2018
Porto, 28th of October 2018
Your serene voice comes close to my ear and fades. Life is an endless search, isn’t it? White Chrysanthemums, red Roses and your spectrum! ’Cause what you only have left was your spectral being in me, in my soul. Your serene voice, your lightening gaze. I remember your words: ’cause love should always come before, my beloved.’ Never war, never war, not between us. Let’s not live in retaliation, let’s live fully, Love. Full as we are, as one, as we once were. Let our love reach the air, undress us, turn us into clouds — to inhabit the skies. Now, only red roses on my lap and you, us as one.
Tuesday, 5th of June 2018
June, red roses bloomed to rest peacefully, one by one, under my eyes. And you, my love? Where have you been? Would you be fully merry to see them as I do in this very moment? I can’t hear your voice neither your answer, but, in secret, I will linger, hover and wait for you in this endless garden of roses.
Wednesday, 23rd of May 2018
Forever incarnating souls. My feet earthwards and my head conquering the heaven. Multitudes of lives. Immeasurably away, my soul became a fragment, instead of the universe itself. A soul growing unearthly and gleaming in this otherworldly life, laying lonesome above the lilies, longing to reach the never seen arms. And Finally, someone came to unite two in one. After all, I was never alone, I was just wandering blind.
Under the clouds, after the rain chariot calms down, little rain drops settle silently in the thousand unfulfilled spaces. And, between the petals roses and me there is a hidden place: the diaphanous realm, where I linger for hours to pursuit earth and heaven — to seek, to refund what cannot abide.
Monday, 26th of February 2018
When I read Jane Eyre — Helen Burns once said something full of hope and mercy to Jane:
“Besides this earth, and besides the race of men, there is an invisible world and a kingdom of spirits: that world is round us, for it is everywhere; and those spirits watch us, for they are commissioned to guard us; and if we were dying in pain and shame, if scorn smote us on all sides, and hatred crushed us, angels see our tortures, recognize our innocence…, and God waits only the separation of spirit from flesh to crown us with a full reward…”. These words often cross my mind when I am in asylum from the light and true…. They always have the will to twist these moments and turn my pessimist into strength and reliance: these words and my sweet Venus.
Wednesday, 7th of February 2018
The new year begun and already a month flew by, now it’s February and I am enjoying the silence that travels through my flat’s walls. There is an empty room since my grandma left to live in a retirement house and, for the first time in years, I am experiencing the bliss of solitude (not that I didn’t enjoy her company, but one must accept the life changes and see the big picture, instead of always focusing in details).
I have set new goals for 2018, as I always do, and one of them is to redecorate my grandma’s old room. I am already starting to pick some paper ephemera and postcards from my collection to display on the wall. When I am finished I will share the result with all of you!
Recently, on my vacations, I’ve discovered the remarkable work of the writer and poet Teixeira de Pascoaes. I was immediately moved after reading the first page of his famous book named ‘The Poor Fool’, I totally recognized myself in the Fool’s skin: contemplating the dusk, reflecting unceasingly about the existence and the limb between life and death. And, as Teixeira de Pascoaes said: ‘Everything is a dream of a poor fool. And the poor fool is too a dream, a dream of a God that didn’t fully reincarnate. Therefore, he is involved into a halo, and he has the weight of cloud.’
Wednesday, 17th of January 2018
Slowly, the light twists with the shadows of the twilight, souls revive to walk unnoticed between the uplifted eyes and I am in absence of speech, contemplative in this beauteous moment: sole and quiet.