Under the clouds, after the rain chariot calms down, little rain drops settle silently in the thousand unfulfilled spaces. And, between the petals roses and me there is a hidden place: the diaphanous realm, where I linger for hours to pursuit earth and heaven — to seek, to refund what cannot abide.
Monday, 26th of February 2018
When I read Jane Eyre — Helen Burns once said something full of hope and mercy to Jane:
“Besides this earth, and besides the race of men, there is an invisible world and a kingdom of spirits: that world is round us, for it is everywhere; and those spirits watch us, for they are commissioned to guard us; and if we were dying in pain and shame, if scorn smote us on all sides, and hatred crushed us, angels see our tortures, recognize our innocence…, and God waits only the separation of spirit from flesh to crown us with a full reward…”. These words often cross my mind when I am in asylum from the light and true…. They always have the will to twist these moments and turn my pessimist into strength and reliance: these words and my sweet Venus.
Thursday, 5th of January 2018
//Hands touching the air by the dawn. And I still search you, miss you.// It’s already January and a new year arrived… I struggled for almost 6 months until 2018 begun. I sold my time to others, and I realized that It’s very difficult to be an altruist. Now, I am redefining the word liberty … This life caries so many burdens and, sometimes, we find ourselves incapable to vanish the dark clouds above our heads. I know I have the tendency to isolate myself from the world to reach equilibrium, to be full before become empty again. But, I am what I am: I am loner, a loner who seeks oneness where shades dwelt. Now, I will return to the grave where I buried myself and revive again for the little things. I think in this year, we will rise from our older selves, and play the joyful and light Vivaldi again. It’s time to expand. Happy new year to you all. :)
Marvão, Alentejo 2017, Portugal.
Finally, I will have two days off from work!!! August was an exhausting month. I have to assimilate all the changes in my life without a moment to make a reflection about everything that was happening. I just wish that one day, I will be able to live according to my own pace and believes. This capitalism system is enslaving every living soul and stealing health, joy and our precious time. But this is not the end, only the beginning. I will live according to my own believes soon or later. Until then, I will be learning the lessons that I choose to learn in this particularly year of 2017. //Having time to drink a tea and take the breakfast in bed is just a blessing, I’m so grateful to my guides and to the universe for this moment.//
Tuesday, 29th of August 2017
Always there they were. I guess after all, life unfolds as it should, and although it’s hard to accept it, we live the life which we are design for. I hope Grandpa is watching Grandma from above.
Thursday, 25th of May 2017
There is something comforting about taking my socks off, resting my feet on the grass, and emptying my mind from my own howling thoughts… It’s magical permitting myself to feel the abandonment, the freedom from my personality, my middling interests and existing as an improvised tree. There is something magical about don’t move, don’t think, don’t speak. Something magnanimous about being and sparkle the warm-cold light of the dusk… There is something perpetual about my feet against the fuzzy grass that exhale the demons out of my body skin. //End of May and you are still faraway.//
I don’t know what to say… April did go really fast for me, did the same happen with you? I thought that I would enjoy deeply every day of this year, and, on the contrary, what I really feel is that everything is slipping through my fingers, speeding up in a way that I can’t even describe what have happen this year, it seems life is just happening in a numb manner … but maybe the antidote for all these emotions flowing through my skin is to do something…
So, in these two days off from work, I decided to pick up all my clothes that were unstitched in some particular spot and had fixed them. At the end, the constant anxiety about life, my bloody worries, all the emotions that I constantly feel, and that can only be translated into more worrying, were gone. I felt that my anxiety was placed with the satisfying feeling of accomplishment.
These small acts of dedication and commitment to something are a good way to find peace, meditate while we are passing the threads trough the clothes fabrics and, a way to respect the environment, because while we fix a piece of cloth — we know that we are reducing the clothing waste, we become aware what we have inside of our wardrobe and we are being productive. Summerly, I hope this post inspires you to do the same and find quietness in your life which is the most imperative.
Light is attempting to fade discreetly but is still noon, only 5 o’clock, so why start to fade in such rush?
The night is still so distant from this particular hour, from my notion of time, and as I conjecture about the invention of life, my tea is blowing away a gentle a cloud of steam that blurs the present. But I am not thinking of the past, I am feeling it instead: I am smelling the scent of random moments like a true nostalgic soul.
It’s all so intensely real and everything starts with me breaking my mother’s womb, taking my first handful breath of fresh air, a disperse sun glance over my pale skin and my enormous brown eyes gazing into this new world. In all of these memories, I don’t regret the first steps that I dared to take, I just regret the way that I/we end up living — chained to a material world that doesn’t truly exist.
I called my visualizing list where I project my future — Inventarium. Every new year, for me, is a new opportunity for renovating my hopes and dreams. So my longings begin in wanting to cherish life and myself more. I want to become more lighter/pure, I want to believe that I am able, I want to congratulate myself instead of finding mistakes in every step that I take. I want to fulfill my existence with faith instead of disbelief — due to this reason, I will write the many lists as I can and I will force myself to reread them — over and over again — until I come to believe that all these griefs were just a metamorphosis: a prologue for the better days.