Saturday, 23rd of September 2017
I’ve been reading some poems from the Sophia de Mello B. Andersen, she writes ethereally about the sea and life. Her poems makes us part of this immense world of magical sea creatures, sparkling corals, colorful shells and bubbling deep waters of the sea. I wish I could have more time to write, to be close to nature, to get in touch with myself that I am lately. This is causing me a terribly damage on my emotion state, my late work stoles all my energy and I just feel like sleeping every time I am returning home. Lately, I am in-between of everything.
Finally, I will have two days off from work!!! August was an exhausting month. I have to assimilate all the changes in my life without a moment to make a reflection about everything that was happening. I just wish that one day, I will be able to live according to my own pace and believes. This capitalism system is enslaving every living soul and stealing health, joy and our precious time. But this is not the end, only the beginning. I will live according to my own believes soon or later. Until then, I will be learning the lessons that I choose to learn in this particularly year of 2017. //Having time to drink a tea and take the breakfast in bed is just a blessing, I’m so grateful to my guides and to the universe for this moment.//
Dear Diary, //Let us be credulous that, one day, such joy will meet our way. // I’ve found a memory covered and hidden beneath the forgotten dust of time — and a past moment had unravel before my eyes as it was this very present moment, as it was my true essence.
Dusk it was, a particular moment of the day where this world and the other meet and become one. Where everything converge, twist and take a shape. Where everything around us is compelling and enticing, where our soul it isn’t a prisoner, isn’t contained, but instead disperse and free, connected with that invisible world, where, at once, is moon, light, sun, fortune, glory and hope. Dear Diary, I long for these kindred days.
I don’t need shoes, I go with bare feet towards you, Sir.
Thursday, 16th of March 2017
March, I cut my hair, put some mascara on and I spotted myself in the mirror looking different. After all these lives, will you still recognise me? Will you understand my silent words, will our eyes recognise each other from the very first moment?
Will we be “Alive to all things and forgetting all.” as Wordsworth said? Will this endless mutability fade with our lips reunite? Here, where the humanity core dwells, one day, we shall reach the right latitude of the castles in the air.
I called my visualizing list where I project my future — Inventarium. Every new year, for me, is a new opportunity for renovating my hopes and dreams. So my longings begin in wanting to cherish life and myself more. I want to become more lighter/pure, I want to believe that I am able, I want to congratulate myself instead of finding mistakes in every step that I take. I want to fulfill my existence with faith instead of disbelief — due to this reason, I will write the many lists as I can and I will force myself to reread them — over and over again — until I come to believe that all these griefs were just a metamorphosis: a prologue for the better days.
I will end my writings for this year today. 2016 was a strange year, I changed few times of job, plans, directions and, at the end, I still feel a bit frustrated… When I was a child I used to imagine myself when I would be a grown up… I did see a calm and trustful woman.
I thought a lot in these things when I was very young and did I turned out like I was expecting? Well, I think I am still faraway for that vision, but 17 is my number and this new year happens to be the 2017, so I hope things change; I have been preparing myself slowly for these happenings: I will have to let go past, some dear humans, regrets and fears. And I am ready for the trade, we cannot have all at once, in order to achieve something we must be ready to trade or to convert the present into something higher. I just want to say thanks to 2016, I’ve purge tuns of disagreements that were living inside of me and I felt illuminated for little moments throughout these times. The epiphany of this year would be: we all are worth of the best and only the best, so please stop diving into unhappy persons and situations because that will only bring you more suffering, understand for once that you, and you alone, are worthy of all the goodness in this life. Wishing you all a happy xmas and a happy new year.
Thursday, 1st of December 2016
Frustrated: time is unstoppable and an existencial earthquake.
Porto, 10th of November 2016
Undress the clothes that confine the trueness of this unbodied skin: allow me to know triumph just once! Await, and than drag me through the edge of dark woods to cast my soul over the silver fountains of light: let them fled my fears and the haunting sorrows of a past that is about to revive. Let them replace the dirty mud living in me with aereal white Chrysanthemums; await until my arose and, at my last breath, warm these gelid hands with love and never with doom, ’cause love should always come before it.
Yesterday, late at night, my unrest soul draw this hydrangea accompanied by Schumann and my new botanic book that inspires me to draw beautiful flowers.