Marvão, Alentejo 2017, Portugal.
Marvão, Alentejo 2017, Portugal.
Thursday, 25th of May 2017
There is something comforting about taking my socks off, resting my feet on the grass, and emptying my mind from my own howling thoughts… It’s magical permitting myself to feel the abandonment, the freedom from my personality, my middling interests and existing as an improvised tree. There is something magical about don’t move, don’t think, don’t speak. Something magnanimous about being and sparkle the warm-cold light of the dusk… There is something perpetual about my feet against the fuzzy grass that exhale the demons out of my body skin. //End of May and you are still faraway.//
I don’t know what to say… April did go really fast for me, did the same happen with you? I thought that I would enjoy deeply every day of this year, and, on the contrary, what I really feel is that everything is slipping through my fingers, speeding up in a way that I can’t even describe what have happen this year, it seems life is just happening in a numb manner … but maybe the antidote for all these emotions flowing through my skin is to do something…
So, in these two days off from work, I decided to pick up all my clothes that were unstitched in some particular spot and had fixed them. At the end, the constant anxiety about life, my bloody worries, all the emotions that I constantly feel, and that can only be translated into more worrying, were gone. I felt that my anxiety was placed with the satisfying feeling of accomplishment.
The ancient shop Caza Vellas Loreto is illuminating Lisbon since 1789 and is one of the most charming shops located near Bairro Alto.
I felt that I was stepping back in time when I first went into this place. Today is Sunday and I am already using my first Loreto Candle.
I called my visualizing list where I project my future — Inventarium. Every new year, for me, is a new opportunity for renovating my hopes and dreams. So my longings begin in wanting to cherish life and myself more. I want to become more lighter/pure, I want to believe that I am able, I want to congratulate myself instead of finding mistakes in every step that I take. I want to fulfill my existence with faith instead of disbelief — due to this reason, I will write the many lists as I can and I will force myself to reread them — over and over again — until I come to believe that all these griefs were just a metamorphosis: a prologue for the better days.
I think 2016 made me want to connect with my higher-self and now I am discovering or, perhaps, rediscovering the ancient arts of divination. In July/August I started to use the pendulum and dowsing science – it was almost instantaneous – I held a pendulum for the first time and it moved easily and now it makes perfect sense to use it my everyday life. But, I want to move further and start to study carefully the tarot ancient art of divination…
This Wednesday, I went to a beautiful shop in Oporto city, called Mundo Místico, looking for a tarot deck that I would felt empathy and this one in the photo, called the Harmonious Tarot Deck, was the first that I set my eyes on. Even after, going through a catalog of various and beautiful tarot decks this was my final choice.
And finally, when I went home and search for more information about this deck and I discovered that the illustration in it belong to the famous victorian artist – Walter Crane. Life is funny, and mysterious…. I am so mad in love with victorian times and it seems that everything pulls me to these gone days.
!!!I am so eager to try it, and get Harmonious like these Tarot drawings and characters.!!!
Wishing you all a nice weekend full of happy spreads, my lovely ones!!!
I will end my writings for this year today. 2016 was a strange year, I changed few times of job, plans, directions and, at the end, I still feel a bit frustrated… When I was a child I used to imagine myself when I would be a grown up… I did see a calm and trustful woman.
I thought a lot in these things when I was very young and did I turned out like I was expecting? Well, I think I am still faraway for that vision, but 17 is my number and this new year happens to be the 2017, so I hope things change; I have been preparing myself slowly for these happenings: I will have to let go past, some dear humans, regrets and fears. And I am ready for the trade, we cannot have all at once, in order to achieve something we must be ready to trade or to convert the present into something higher. I just want to say thanks to 2016, I’ve purge tuns of disagreements that were living inside of me and I felt illuminated for little moments throughout these times. The epiphany of this year would be: we all are worth of the best and only the best, so please stop diving into unhappy persons and situations because that will only bring you more suffering, understand for once that you, and you alone, are worthy of all the goodness in this life. Wishing you all a happy xmas and a happy new year.
Sometimes, I don’t want to leave home…
I just want to wrap myself in soft blankets and nestle with the little things that bring me comfort and happiness.
Preparing an order and finishing a fanzine to send tomorrow!
2nd of November 2016
my skin is thirsty for rain, the linger rain that fulfill a whole day without regrets, that comes calmly as Schumann and late as Chopin’s melancholic Nocturnes.
The rain that transforms every wistful sorrow into a musing autumnal feeling. My unquiet life should had been full of quietness from the beginning… but, I was born to be bounded to the ephemeral: to be nothing more than a fading silhouette on your foresight.