Under the clouds, after the rain chariot calms down, little rain drops settle silently in the thousand unfulfilled spaces. And, between the petals roses and me there is a hidden place: the diaphanous realm, where I linger for hours to pursuit earth and heaven — to seek, to refund what cannot abide.
Light is attempting to fade discreetly but is still noon, only 5 o’clock, so why start to fade in such rush?
The night is still so distant from this particular hour, from my notion of time, and as I conjecture about the invention of life, my tea is blowing away a gentle a cloud of steam that blurs the present. But I am not thinking of the past, I am feeling it instead: I am smelling the scent of random moments like a true nostalgic soul.
It’s all so intensely real and everything starts with me breaking my mother’s womb, taking my first handful breath of fresh air, a disperse sun glance over my pale skin and my enormous brown eyes gazing into this new world. In all of these memories, I don’t regret the first steps that I dared to take, I just regret the way that I/we end up living — chained to a material world that doesn’t truly exist.
I will end my writings for this year today. 2016 was a strange year, I changed few times of job, plans, directions and, at the end, I still feel a bit frustrated… When I was a child I used to imagine myself when I would be a grown up… I did see a calm and trustful woman.
I thought a lot in these things when I was very young and did I turned out like I was expecting? Well, I think I am still faraway for that vision, but 17 is my number and this new year happens to be the 2017, so I hope things change; I have been preparing myself slowly for these happenings: I will have to let go past, some dear humans, regrets and fears. And I am ready for the trade, we cannot have all at once, in order to achieve something we must be ready to trade or to convert the present into something higher. I just want to say thanks to 2016, I’ve purge tuns of disagreements that were living inside of me and I felt illuminated for little moments throughout these times. The epiphany of this year would be: we all are worth of the best and only the best, so please stop diving into unhappy persons and situations because that will only bring you more suffering, understand for once that you, and you alone, are worthy of all the goodness in this life. Wishing you all a happy xmas and a happy new year.
Preparing an order and finishing a fanzine to send tomorrow!
Monday, 24th of October 2016
I am always very surprised with myself in the early hours of the morning, everything is so unfamiliar and yet, how many times was I born to live in this insipid place? With my eyes closed, I open the doors that lead me to the olden and shabby corridors which once I was verily acquainted, endless corridors that used to lead me to wonderful and secret places. I close my eyes to listen the distant Schubert and frame these memories in a secure place that I call heart.
When I was child I always dreamed of a safe house where I could live in…
Will I find it, one day?