Porto, 6th of April 2017

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Porto, 6th of April 2017

I’ve encountered the immaterial, the boreal… The soft light that gently touches the flower of the deads after so much suffering. I’ve encountered something that only belongs to those who live in Asylum. In desertion from the common senses. I’ve touched the invisible and felted it like rain drops and spring petals. And I shed a tear, only one and let it linger above Schubert and the white chrysanthemums. I let the boreal house my soul, confine it into something purer, undress it and triumph on the edge of the light for once.

Thursday, 22nd of December 2016

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I will end my writings for this year today. 2016 was a strange year, I changed few times of job, plans, directions and, at the end, I still feel a bit frustrated… When I was a child I used to imagine myself when I would be a grown up… I did see a calm and trustful woman.

I thought a lot in these things when I was very young and did I turned out like I was expecting? Well, I think I am still faraway for that vision, but 17 is my number and this new year happens to be the 2017, so I hope things change; I have been preparing myself slowly for these happenings: I will have to let go past, some dear humans, regrets and fears. And I am ready for the trade, we cannot have all at once, in order to achieve something we must be ready to trade or to convert the present into something higher. I just want to say thanks to 2016, I’ve purge tuns of understandings that were living inside of me and I felt illuminated for little moments throughout these times. The epiphany of this year would be: we all are worth of the best and only the best, so please stop diving into unhappy persons and situations because that will only bring you more suffering, understand for once that you, and you alone, are worthy of all the goodness in this life. Wishing you all a happy xmas and a happy new year.

Find Me

Dear Diary,

one day, I will return to the place that I verily belong and leave all these dead leaves and broken windows behind. I will gave my bonds to the earth, let it consume the heaviness that I carry on my shoulders and, in this moment, I will no longer fear the darkness of the night. I will fall asleep to never wake up and let the earth devour me till dust — so can I, for once, feel something. Only my soul shall remain beyond reproach of these endless loudly voices. One day, it will be the end and I will become a sylph to be nothing more than a rarefy air.

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Over a Flowering Bed

 

16th of August 2016

Dear Diary,

Dandelions, dragonflies, little birds flying everywhere. In this garden, life appears to me as a singular delight and my soul lays peaceful in contentment over a flowering bed. Mysterious doors, closed windows, old walls, stories waiting to be unveiled and told. Here there is no sadness, no fearful nights or injured memories. Half of me shall recovery here. Half of me shall find love here.

Dear Diary

 

 

                                                                                                                      1st of August 2016

Dear Diary,

I’ve been sleeping as much as I can to avoid the reality. Lately, I avoid too many things: food, baths, clothes… everything weighs to much on me … It’s hard to walk in peace, my thoughts and feelings are in a turmoil. The simple act of breathing exhaust me so deeply. Is this another metamorphosis? Am I in a state of larvae to later become a butterfly? And why it must hurt so much? Is life an endless metamorphosis?

I want to believe that life has secretly kept a small amount of happiness for me, so I keep praying… Blessed are those who live in contentment and dammed are those who live in disquiet.